After many grueling days of pessimism I was ready for a different approach yesterday. In an effort to remember the things I do well, to focus on the good, I purchased a new journal and wrote down the moments I handled PMDD symptoms or moments when I was simply someone I liked. And there were a lot! On a really awful day! I know that there will be days when I am not going to believe I have an ounce of good in me, but I am going to try to open that journal and remember that it isn't true.
At my other site I posted a creative prompt you might find useful to consider. I mentioned the general idea here but what you'll read below has been expanded. I welcome responses :-)
An Activity
I had an idea two nights ago. If I were walking down the street and accidentally dropped my illness /PMDD the way I might drop a piece of paper, and someone called out "Excuse me! Is this yours?" I would like to be able to claim it. I might not necessarily like it, but I would want to claim it.
Yes, that is mine. Thank you.
But, yesterday it occurred to me that it isn't just the obviously difficult thing I need to be able to claim, it's the good, too.
If I were walking down the street and accidentally dropped my goodness, kindness, sweetness, loving heart, or hopeful spirit, I would like to be able to claim those too. But I don't! One, the illness leaves me feeling very very hard on myself and I don't believe I deserve to be acknowledged for the good. But also, before the illness, I had trouble acknowledging the good too. Others could see it. I could not bare to look.
I am looking now. I am circling the dropped object. I am checking it out. I am holding my breath. I am working on a reply.
What about you? What would you like to claim?
