What we claim

After many grueling days of pessimism I was ready for a different approach yesterday. In an effort to remember the things I do well, to focus on the good, I purchased a new journal and wrote down the moments I handled PMDD symptoms or moments when I was simply someone I liked. And there were a lot! On a really awful day! I know that there will be days when I am not going to believe I have an ounce of good in me, but I am going to try to open that journal and remember that it isn't true.

At my other site I posted a creative prompt you might find useful to consider. I mentioned the general idea here but what you'll read below has been expanded. I welcome responses :-)

An Activity

I had an idea two nights ago. If I were walking down the street and accidentally dropped my illness /PMDD the way I might drop a piece of paper, and someone called out "Excuse me! Is this yours?" I would like to be able to claim it. I might not necessarily like it, but I would want to claim it.

Yes, that is mine. Thank you.

But, yesterday it occurred to me that it isn't just the obviously difficult thing I need to be able to claim, it's the good, too.

If I were walking down the street and accidentally dropped my goodness, kindness, sweetness, loving heart, or hopeful spirit, I would like to be able to claim those too. But I don't! One, the illness leaves me feeling very very hard on myself and I don't believe I deserve to be acknowledged for the good. But also, before the illness, I had trouble acknowledging the good too. Others could see it. I could not bare to look.

I am looking now. I am circling the dropped object. I am checking it out. I am holding my breath. I am working on a reply.

What about you? What would you like to claim?

Comments

[GingerAle]

Dear Jennifer,
I found your blog on another link and it occurred to me that you should look at www.cyclediet.com and talk with the Dietitian there who works with women with PMDD. She helped me discover I actually have a food sensitivity problem with wheat and gluten. Something that my doctors couldn't diagnosis or wouldn't consider could be causing me such pain and depression. My dear mother died from intestinal cancer and also suffered extreme PMS. If it wasn't for Debra I too may have never been diagnosed correctly in time to eliminate gluten from my diet. I'm doing much better now, but if I'm not careful malabsorption sets in again and I have to go back to my naked diet. Please ask your doctors to test you for a gluten sensitivity or malabsorption. You look very thin from your picture.